


Looking for Sunlight

by thisdorkyficthing



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: (neither Thor or Loki die don't worry), Adopted Loki, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Background Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Pseudo-Incest, Smut, Thor Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 16:02:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4752431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisdorkyficthing/pseuds/thisdorkyficthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki came in to his life all at once. At least that's how it feels in his memories. One day the spare room – only filled with a few boxes of his old toys for as long as he could remember – was suddenly <em>Loki's</em> room. A new bed and dresser, a lamp and green curtains.</p>
<p>Thor hadn't wanted a little brother. Or, he didn't want a little brother that was only a few months <em>littler</em> than him. He became downright livid when Loki suddenly swallowed up all his- <em>their</em> mom's attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Looking for Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what even this story is or why I felt the *need* to write it... but here you go. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Loki came in to his life all at once. At least that's how it feels in his memories. One day the spare room – only filled with a few boxes of his old toys for as long as he could remember – was suddenly _Loki's_ room. A new bed and dresser, a lamp and green curtains.

Thor hadn't wanted a little brother. Or, he didn't want a little brother that was only a few months _littler_ than him. He became downright livid when Loki suddenly swallowed up all his- _their_ mom's attention.

He hated Loki, he decided. His stubborn nature made it easy enough to justify all but ignoring Loki. Even when they started school together and he saw Loki getting pushed around at recess by a few kids, big green eyes looking his way – _pleading_ – he could make it seem okay. Maybe Loki had said something, or stole a pencil from one of them – he liked to steal food from kitchen after all. It didn't totally stop the guilt, but it made it easy enough to walk the other way.

When he came home from his friend's house that afternoon, Loki's door was closed and he could hear the faint sound of sniffling coming from behind it, his mother's voice following it, soothing even when muffled. Guilt crept up in his throat again.

A while later his mother was standing in his doorway, her hardened expression a mix of disappointment and anger that made him cower behind his book.

“We're having a talk after dinner.” Was all she said. She walked away, the click of her low heels on the hardwood floor all that filled Thor's ears.

He ended up getting grounded for the rest of the week, all the guilt he had vanishing. He _hated_ Loki.

Years passed and they grew _around_ one another. They didn't fight, though. (It was hard to start fights when you barely spoke full sentences to each other.) Merely existing side-by-side in each other's lives.

At some point after they started high school Thor realized he _didn't_ hate Loki anymore. He stuck with the act out of habit. That didn't stop him from picking up little facts about his adoptive brother.

Loki grew to be just about as tall as Thor. He decked out his pale, lanky body in black, the contrast never failing to make Thor's eyes linger. He liked to wear rings on his long fingers, shellac his nails with dark polish and listen to weird electronic music that had enough bass to make Thor's lungs vibrate. His hair was kind of curly naturally, and Thor took undo pleasure in having the knowledge no one else had.

He always opened the door to the bathroom after he took a shower, letting the steam out as he dried and straightened his hair. Thor sometimes watched through the doorway, a few feet away so Loki wouldn't notice. With a cornflower blue towel wrapped around his hips he'd blast his hair with the dryer, brushing it every which way with a brush bigger than Thor's palm. Thor's eyes would inevitably run down his back, gaze settling at the base of his spine where two dimples sat, begging to have Thor press his thumbs in to them. He'd force his eyes back up when Loki shut the dryer off, dextrous hands grabbing the flat iron next. With practiced ease and precision Loki would clamp the iron through chunks of hair, pressing every strand flat until it resembled an oil slick spilling down his shoulders. Thor was always felt the urge to drag his hand through it when he was done, wanting to know if it was as smooth as it looked.

Thor, on the other hand, grew broad. _He's_ _trying to eat us out of our house_ his father would say with a chuckle as he took a second serving of dinner. Thor played every sport he had even an remote interest in, and did additional training on the days he didn't have anything else to do, working his body to exhaustion more days than not. He liked the camaraderie being on a team brought, the competition. He liked girls, not as much as other guys it seemed, but it was _whatever_. He didn't think too hard on it. He liked _sex_ , or at least the handful of times he'd had it – still all revved up after a game and squashed in the backseat of a car with the first girl that showed real interest that night.

Loki liked sex too, if the musky smell and used condoms he sometimes left behind in the car they shared after using it for a night were any indication. Using the toe of his shoe to push it out Thor felt a wave of irrational anger crash over him. He gripped on the steering wheel when it was out, _seething_. He would always forget where he'd been planning to go.

A small current of panic was pulsing through him as he walked through the beige halls of his school. He'd been called to the office, told that he should take his things since he'd be leaving. Had they found out about Tony's party? _Shit_ , would they really kick him off the football team for a little _drinking_ -

He stopped when he spotted Loki strutting down the hall towards him, bag slung over his shoulder.

“You get called down to the office too?”

Loki looked up from his phone, confusion twisting his exoression at the sight of Thor. He slowed to a stop feet away from Thor. “...Yeah.”

Thor's fist clenched at his side. Panic making his heart flutter. They walked side-by-side the rest of the way, not saying a word.

“Your father has had a stroke. He's in the hospital right now.”

Thor's skin bloomed with a cold sweat, his shirt sticking to his back. Loki's face was close to blank, his hands resting on his thighs, decorated fingers fanned out. Thor looked away, back to the counselor, her brown hair pulled back in to a neat bun, her unobtrusively pink mouth twisted in to a sympathetic frown.

“Your mother is already there. Is there any family you'd like for me call to pick you up and take you there?”

“I can drive,” Loki answered.

“Are you sure-”

“ _Yes_ ,” Loki snapped back. “Can we go now?”

The counselor's mouth tightened for a fraction of a second. Sighing through her nose she said, “you can, just sign out before you go.”

Loki signed for them both, his writing pointy and legible on the tiny space. Thor liked seeing his name like that. The drive was quiet and long.

Their mother was crying, obviously had been for a while, when they got to the hospital. They both bent forward and let her pull them in to a tight hug, sobbing in to their shoulders. Their sides were pressed together, their bodies touching for the first time Thor could remember. Loki's skin wasn't quite as hot as the tears soaking in to his shirt, but he wanted to lean in to it, feel more of the unexpected warmth.

They sat in a waiting room, an empty chair between them now that their mother had gone to talk to a doctor.

“Wanna go out and get some air?” Loki asked, voice slightly rough.

Thor glanced at the door their mother had just disappeared behind, running his hands over the armrests of his chair. “Yeah.”

They took the elevator and walked out the nearest set of doors. They came to a stop a few feet away from a bench where a couple nurses were gossiping and smoking, leaning against the cool brick wall of the hospital.

Thor watched a few lagging moths and insects flying around a nearby streetlamp, shoving his hands in his pockets in attempt to keep them warm. The nurses left a few minutes later, leaving behind the sound of cars in the distance.

“You remember the first time we met?”

Thor looked over at Loki, his gaze was focused on the streetlamp too. Thor nodded and quickly looked away.

“Frigga and Odin had already told me all about you. I had this whole picture in my head of how it was going to go – I _really_ wanted you to like me.”

Thor was wincing, his hands curling at the memory. He had sulked the whole time, refusing to talk or even really look at Loki. Loki eventually gave up and turned away too.

“I'm sorry,” he said, the words sounding weak. He could hear the scrap of fabric against brick as Loki shrugged.

“I mean it, I'm really sorry,” Thor said, forcing himself to look at Loki. Loki's eyes slid over to him, vivid green in the orange light. Thor turned, leaning his shoulder against the wall. “I'm sorry for being such a little asshole as a kid... and then just... not _stopping_.”

Loki watched him for a moment, eyes boring in to Thor. He forced himself to not squirm. Loki looked away, _finally_ , his tongue darting out to lick his lips.

“Can we at least try to be friends?” Thor asked, scratching behind his ear.

Loki looked back to his, the corner of his mouth rising slightly. “I was hoping for a bit more than that.”

Thor frowned, there was something in Loki's tone, the curve of his lips, that made Thor's skin tingle. His belly flipped. He didn't know what to say to that.

“We should go back in,” Loki said, pushing off the wall. Thor, mysteriously flustered, nodded and followed.

They were excused from school for the rest of the week. Their father wasn't waking up, leaving their mother an absolute wreck. She went back and forth from the hospital to the house, flitting between bouts of sobbing and cool determination. They were left by themselves for most of the day, the both of them assuring her that it was fine, really. They had a car and were perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, go be with dad.

“I'm so lucky to have such good boys,” she said with a weary smile, kissing them both on the cheek before leaving, one of her book club friends waiting in the driveway to pick her up. Thor and Loki had spent the day watching movies together in the basement. He let Loki pick, and they spent the day watching old kids movies. The distraction was nice, but feeling like _real brothers_ for the first time ever was even better.

He feel asleep on the big old sectional at some point, waking up to a big, blue screen in front of him and Loki gone. He pulled himself up, stretching slowly and turning the tv off. He heard voices as he crept up the stairs, and found Loki and mom in the living room. Her head was on his shoulder, her own trembling. He watched silently, hearing Loki's voice but not able to make out the words. He wasn't jealous now, he long ago realized his mother had more than enough love to spread around, he was glad actually. He was kind of terrible at talking about things like this. Loki looked over his shoulder when Thor stepped on a creaky part of the floor. They exchanged a quick look, acknowledging each other, before Loki went back to mom and Thor made his way to his bedroom.

Two days later Thor found himself looking at the clock at 3:30. He was antsy. Dad still wasn't getting better, their mother's hope wilting. Him and Loki were coexisting in this weird way that was the same and _different_. He wanted to jump out of his skin. He needed to _move_. He told Loki that much as he debated going to football practice.

Loki shrugged, making himself a sandwich. “Go smash some heads in or whatever.”

That settled it. Thor grabbed his bag and headed to school.

Loki was in his bedroom when Thor came back. He sat on the floor by the unmade bed, examining a bottle of wine through narrowed eyes.

“You'll think she'll miss one little bottle?” he asked in lieu of saying hello. Thor dropped his duffel and stepped inside, glancing around the room he'd barely looked at since- _third grade?_

He shrugged and sat down on the floor with him. Loki held the bottle to him. “Think you can get the cork?”

“Probably,” he said. It took a bit to work the cork out, but the loud pop it gave when it did was satisfying. He sniffed at it, scrunching his nose as he handed it back to Loki. Loki took a big swig, Thor's eyes glued to the slow bobbing of his Adam's apple, and then held it out to Thor. Thor took just as big a gulp, humming as the alcohol set in within moments, his skin warming.

“I think mom's gonna pull the plug,” Loki said after they'd each had a few more sips. “Tomorrow, most likely.”

A heavy sadness settled in Thor's stomach, mouthful of wine turning sour. It didn't seem real. “She told you?”

“No,” Loki said quietly. “But it sounds like he's not gonna wake up. I have a feeling the doctor's been talking to her about it.”

One hand curled in to a fist on his thigh while he grabbed the wine with the other. He shut his eyes and tipped his head back, swallowing until things turned to fuzz.

Loki slid closer, taking the bottle from him to steal another sip. He was glad now that Loki was here, and he wanted to kick his shitty kid self for wasting _years_ where he could've had a brother – he'd _wanted_ one before, so why had he been such a dick about it when he finally got one?

“I'm sorry,” he said again. His voice sounded thick to his own ears, watery.

Loki's eyebrow cocked up. Thor could see a tiny scar on his forehead he'd never been close enough to notice before, the flecks of darker brownish-green in his irises. “Why?”

“For being an asshole when mom and dad adopted you... I was selfish.” He looked away and sniffed hard, running his hands over his thighs.

Loki was quiet for a minute. “You were _ten_.”

_Loki's been through things you can't even begin to imagine_ , mom had said to him that night after the incident at recess, _he's never had a family and he needs one_. Thor sniffed again, his throat hurting. “I was old enough to know better.”

Loki sighed and sagged beside him. “I forgive you, okay? _Jesus_.”

Thor looked over at Loki, stared actually. Loki stared back.

“You're so pretty,” Thor breathed, the words too loud in the quiet room.

Loki smiled and looked away. Thor could swear he saw a hint of a pink on his cheeks. His stomach fluttered.

“Is that why you like to watch me do my hair in the morning?” Loki asked. There wasn't any anger in his words, so Thor didn't panic. He did blush though.

He nodded. It was all he could manage to do.

Delicate fingers spun the bottle of wine on the hardwood floor. “I've watched you at football practice a few times.” Loki bit his lip, smile aimed towards the floor.

This felt nothing like the times he'd flirted with girls. It felt like he was just playing along with it, pressing the right buttons to get to the prize. Right now? His head was in the clouds, his heart thumping away in his chest.

“Really?” he tried to think of anytime he thought he saw a glimpse of black and white in the corner of his eye, nothing popping up in his mind.

Loki nodded. “You're a beast, seriously.” His hand wrapped around the neck of the bottle, sliding down before picking it up to take another sip. Thor's mouth went dry.

He took the bottle when Loki offered it, swallowing down another big gulp of wine.

“I don't think we're supposed to feel like this,” Thor said after he swallowed.

“I think you're right,” Loki laughed, delicate and airy. The sound slithered under Thor's skin and made a warm home there.

“Kiss me,” Loki ordered a breath later. Thor leaned in without hesitation, his heart flying to his throat as their lips met. They started soft and tentative, but it quickly devolved. Thor purred as Loki's teeth pinched his bottom lip, his hand flying in to Loki's hair. Loki climbed in to his lap, the warm weight of his body waking his cock. Thor tipped his head back against the edge of Loki's bed, letting him take control, happy to have Loki's lips sliding against his own.

His hands groped roughly at Thor's chest and arms, no shyness holding him back from having what he wanted. Thor did the same, slipping under Loki's shirt so his hands could roam over the lean back he'd spent so much time admiring, following his spine to find those dimples and pressing a fingertip in to each one. He moved his hands lower, earning him a a deep groan that made his teeth vibrate.

“Oh my god,” Thor huffed when he had a chance to suck in a breath.

“Yeah.”

They stood, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room for a minute before getting lost in another kiss.

Thor was pushed down to Loki's bed soon after. It felt too small, like it should be in a dollhouse, even though his was the same size. Loki stood over and stared at him for a moment, like he couldn't believe Thor was real. Thor wanted to say he felt the same, but bit his tongue. Loki peeled his shirt off before climbing on top of Thor, settling on his hips and leaning over to kiss him again.

He wanted to feel Loki's skin on his. He sat up, yanked his shirt off and hugged Loki tightly as he laid back. Thor was dizzy, mind fogged with wine and lust. His jeans were too tight, his cock throbbing within them. Loki pulled away and sat up, lips swollen and hands shaking as he ripped his jeans open, standing to pull them off. Thor eyes were glued to his cock, hard and red, his mouth watering at the sight. Loki tore away Thor's jeans after his own were on the floor, pausing when Thor's cock was revealed, slapping against his belly with a hard throb. Thor wriggled his jeans the rest of the way off, kicking them off the bed as Loki climbed back over him.

He settled over Thor slowly, his weight just heavy enough to make breathing slightly strenuous. He wanted to stay just like this for hours, days even. Just _feeling_ Loki and kissing him. He was shaking apart.

Loki folded his legs at either side of Thor, kissing him once more before sitting up. Thor reached up and ran his hands down Loki's front, hands settling at Loki's hips. He'd never wanted to just _touch_ someone so much. All the times he'd had sex before had been rushed, wanting to get in and get off. They'd been fun, absolutely, but Thor hadn't felt more than that. His heart wasn't in his ears like it was right now, his body so light he might float away if Loki wasn't on top of him. It was amazing. And they'd only just _touched_.

Loki's hands mirrored the movements of Thor's. Sweeping down his chest, his arms, thighs, calves. Every downy hair on his body stood on end. He reached for Loki's cock, pausing an inch away to wait for Loki to follow.

The sounds that fell out of their throats with the first touch of hand to cock was pained. They stroked each other too lightly, their chest jumping with hitched breaths and sighs. Loki pulled his hand away and leaned over, forearms placed at either side of Thor's head as their lips came together. Thor's hands moved to Loki's back, sweeping up and down the smooth planes for a while before giving in and sliding farther down, cupping and gripping. When he gently pulled _up_ and _apart_ Loki shuddered as he exhaled in to Thor's mouth.

Maybe a minute later Loki was digging in his nightstand, fishing out a bottle of lube with a substantial dent in it. He slopped it on Thor's cock generously, spreading it messily and Thor brain short circuited at the mere thought of what was going to happen next. Loki reached back with his wet hand, the space between his eyebrows pinching as he speared himself with his fingers. His breathing went unsteady and Thor never wanted to hear another sound again.

Loki shuffled a little, rose higher on his knees. “Hold your cock up.”

Thor's hand moved lightening fast, his own breathing shallow.

Loki bent forward, resting his free hand on Thor's chest, pressing some of his weight on it. He moved one of his legs when he couldn't get himself in the right position over Thor's cock, his foot pressing in to Thor's side. Thor squeezed his fingers around the base of his cock when Loki's slicked fingers brushed over the head, his leg twitching hard.

Loki hissed as he began to press downward, his teeth bared. It reminded Thor of the time one of his teammates decided to look up gay porn on his phone in the locker room. He watched over his teammate's shoulder as the actor, a tiny blond with a unnaturally hairless body got bent over a desk and had a massive cock shoved in to him. (The other guys were horrified by it. Thor wasn't, the actor looked he was having a good enough time. He'd gotten strange looks from some of them ever since.) He had a similar expression to Loki's, pained and exhilarated – though Loki's put his to shame.

Loki moved his other hand to Thor's chest, his eyes shining. He paused, gulping for air, Thor's cock half buried in the tight heat of his ass. Thor's cupped the underside of his trembling thigh.

“God, you're fucking huge,” Loki said with a raspy laugh. Thor laughed a little too. He was tempted say something like ' _you're so tight_ ' but just the thought made him cringe.

Loki inhaled deeply through his nose, closed his eyes, and pushed down, a whine emanating from deep in his chest as impaled himself the rest of the way. Thor wriggled his hand free, placing both on Loki's hips as he settled on to his knees.

They were still and silent for minute. Loki was so hot and tight, clenching here and there, his hips making tiny movements. The _pinched, pained_ look slowly melted in to pure _bliss_ and Thor decided there wasn't anything more beautiful in this world than _that_ look on _his_ face.

Loki looked down at him with a wobbly smirk. “You mean that?”

_Oh._ “Yeah,” he said, sucking in another shallow breath.

Loki's eyes fluttered shut and he bit down on his lip. He pushed on Thor's chest as he lifted his hips, pausing for a second before letting them fall. Thor's face twisted in pleasure, pressing his head back in to Loki's pillow and his heels in to the mattress as Loki picked up a rhythm. Thor's hands traveled. Wrapping themselves around Loki's narrow wrists, his waist, thighs, hips again. They refused to pick just one. Loki's hands stayed planted on Thor's pecs, his nails digging marks in to his skin.

Thor reached up and cupped Loki's face, dragging him down. Loki continued to squirm on top of him as they kissed – a messy and slick meeting of lips and tongue – which was no where near enough for his agonizing cock but he didn't care. He wanted to be buried inside Loki forever, exist in this slice of time for eternity.

Loki lifted his head, eyes simultaneously bright and dark with hunger. “Fuck me, Thor.”

Thor sucked in a breath through his teeth as a shiver snaked down his spine. Hugging Loki by the waist with one arm he flipped them over. Loki felt like a feather and another shiver washed over him. Loki's legs wound themselves around Thor's waist, his hands pulling Thor's hair from the bun it was in and tangling in to the damp strands. Thor pressed his chest to Loki's, their hearts thumping slightly off rhythm, and drove in.

Loki whimpered Thor's name against his lips. Thor tucked his forearms against Loki's sides, cupping his shoulders and began pounding in to him. Loki's breath hitched with each short, powerful thrust, his eyelids drooping and eyebrows furrowing. Thor moaned, pressing his face in to the crook of Loki's neck and breathing him in.

“Ah, _fuck,_ ” Loki cried in to his ear. “Thor, _please_. _Fuck_.”

Thor sobbed, hips slamming down once, twice, and then his knees were sliding as they tried to find ground on the sheets so he could dig himself deeper inside and drain himself in to Loki. His twitching belly pressed against Loki's hot, drooling cock, the rest of Loki shuddering under him.

His mind was blank. He couldn't think of anything but _heat_ and _sweat_ and _Loki_. He just fucked _Loki_ and it was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to him. “ _Fuck,_ ” he hissed, hips bucking to wring out the last remnants of come from his cock.

Loki whined, “ _Thor_.”

That managed to snap him out of haze a little. Loki squirmed, his face strained. Thor lifted himself up just slightly, careful to keep his hips pressed tight to the backs of Loki's thighs so his cock couldn't slip free and wrapped a fist around Loki's cock. Loki threw his head back and bared his teeth again, his knees squeezing Thor's sides.

Loki was somehow even more beautiful as he came, paper white skin blushing red to his belly, hair curling and sticking to his face and neck, every lean muscle tensed and shaking. He cried out Thor's name amongst a string of curses and it was music to his ears.

They spooned in a sweaty heap, feet hanging off the side of the bed. Thor kept his face pressed in to Loki's hair, wanting his scent embedded in to his nostrils forever.

“We need to make ourselves presentable before mom comes home,” Loki said softly, his fingers dragging over Thor's forearm where he'd flung around Loki's waist.

Thor held his breath, waited for the wave of guilt to crash over him. When it didn't come he exhaled, then hummed and nodded. Last thing she needed to see right now was her sons looking suspiciously drunk and fucked out.

Loki disappeared in to the bathroom, Thor's eyes following his slightly awkward gait. He came back with his hair knotted up on top of his head and with a clean belly and thighs. Thor continued to watch as Loki slipped on a loose t-shirt and a looser pair of sweats.

Loki rolled his eyes when he caught his gaze. “You can't be giving me that dopey look when she comes back. And go fix yourself.”

Thor dragged himself up, sauntering over to Loki, who straightened as he got closer, his eyes scanning over Thor's naked body. Thor hummed again, taking Loki's face in his hands, thumbs gliding over his still rose-tinted cheeks, and smiled. “You're so gorgeous.”

Loki tried to hold back a smile, batting away his hands. “And you're a big sap. Go put pants on.”

Thor tore himself away, glancing over his shoulder as he passed through the doorway to see Loki fiddling with his hair, wearing a dreamy smile of his own.

_Gorgeous_.

Sif's mom made them lasagna. Mom brought it home with her and heated it up in the oven. They ate at the counter, the space where Odin usually sat at the table too glaringly empty. Thor found himself staring at Loki as he squirmed on his stool, his mirth vanishing when he looked away and noticed their mother looking off in to nothing, her fork poking idly at her lasagna.

“Mama,” he said, reaching out to touch her arm with the backs of his fingers.

She flinched, sniffing quietly and looking up at him with watery eyes and a wan smile. “Sorry. I'm okay.”

Thor and Loki's mouths twitched, both unable to force on a smile. Loki laid his fork down and leaned over to rest his head on her shoulder. Thor did the same. Their mother's breath hitched, hands coming up to cup their cheeks.

“My wonderful boys.”

All three piled in to the car early the next morning. Thor behind the wheel, mom in the passenger seat, hair and makeup done for the first time since dad's stroke, and Loki in the seat behind her. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around the seat and her shoulders.

The drive to the hospital was endless. But not long enough for her.

Thor and Loki stood towards the end of the bed while mom sat in a chair beside him. It was weird, Thor could've never imagined his dad going out so quietly. He grabbed Loki's hand because he couldn't stop himself. Loki squeezed his fingers.

Loki drove them back home.

That night Thor found mom curled in a ball in front of the closed door to their room. He sat down beside her, touching her hair gently.

“I can't do it,” she said, voice trembling. “I can't be in there without him.”

Thor swallowed hard, his throat aching with the need to cry. He breathed slowly through his nose. “You can sleep in my room,” he said when he felt like he could handle speaking.

She shook her head. “I couldn't-”

“You're _not_ sleeping on the couch,” he said, “I just washed the bedding and everything. I'll sleep downstairs.”

All there was the sound of her shaking breathes for a few beats.

“ _Mama_ ,” he whispered, leaning over and hugging her shoulders. “Please, you need to sleep.”

Another pause, and then a small nod, face hidden behind her hands.

Thor stood, helping her up and guiding her to his room. He tucked her in, the role reversal making him feeling even more odd than he already did. He shuffled to the basement after, slumping on to the couch and putting on infomercials, staring at the screen without watching. Loki came padding down an hour later.

“Can't sleep?” he asked, voice rough.

Loki shook his head and sunk down beside him, draping his legs over Thor's lap. Last night felt like centuries ago, now.

“Mom's in my room. She couldn't handle being in their room.”

Loki hmm'd.

“What happened to you? Before you came here, I mean.”

Loki swallowed. His voice was thick when he spoke. “A lot of things.”

“Hm?”

“I was abandoned. I was two or three so I don't really remember it. I lived with a distant aunt for a year or two before her oldest kid told someone she was neglecting all of us. I was bounced around a couple foster homes after that, then put in a group home, and that's where mom and dad found me.”

Thor nodded, the image little Loki being left behind by his biological parents rolling around in his head, trying to wrap around the thought.

Loki laughed, hollow and sad sounding. “It's weird, I don't even th-think he liked me much sometimes-” Loki swallowed again, clearing his throat. “But he was the one who spotted me.”

Thor was quiet, waiting for Loki to continue.

“I was in one of those group homes for a couple years at that point- an orphanage basically, but not like the shitty kind in _Annie_. A bunch kids went running up to mom of course, I was pretty sure no one would ever want me at that point so I wasn't gonna try...”

Loki sniffed. Shrugged his shoulders. Thor wrapped an arm around him and pulled Loki closer, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“He came and sat by me. Asked me what my name was. What book I was reading. He scared the shit out of me, actually... I don't _know_ -” Loki's face crumpled. Thor pulled him in to his lap, hugging him tightly as Loki began to sob in to his shoulder. He clamped his eyes shut, hot tears slipping down his cheeks. He pressed his face in to Loki's shoulder, shuddering as he inhaled.

Thor woke with his face an inch away from Loki's. He watched his eyes twitch under puffy lids, darkness shadowing the inner corners of his eyes. Loki's brows twitched, his face looking troubled for a few seconds before smoothing out. He could see of tiny marks from here, a few faint freckles on his cheek, another scar, the pores on his nose, and the faint shadow of stubble on his jaw. He wanted to kiss them all. He wanted to know how he could be heartbroken with grief _and_ so hopelessly in love at the same time.

The sun rose far too soon, and too brightly for half the mood Thor was in, but the light that crept through the windows lit his brother beautifully, so he wouldn't complain too much. He kept staring at Loki for a long time, timing their breathing so that when Loki exhaled, he inhaled.

Loki eventually sucked in a deep breath, eyes blinking open as he stretched and squirmed.

“Were you watching me sleep?” he asked, voice thick from sleep and smirking.

“You make some really stupid faces. I couldn't help it,” Thor teased.

Loki smiled. “You're a bad liar _and_ a weirdo.”

Thor tipped his head forward and kissed Loki softly. Their lips parted with a smack a few seconds later.

Thor pressed his forehead to Loki's, hugging his arm around Loki's waist. “I'm glad he saw you.”

The corner of Loki's mouth quirked up. “Me too.”

They made their way to the kitchen eventually, standing in the middle of it for in silence, lost.

Thor let out a heavy sigh and clapped his hands together. “Okay,” he started, taking a couple steps and turning on a heel to face Loki. “I'll handle breakfast. You handle mom.”

Loki crossed his arms, eyebrows raised. “Do you even know how to make breakfast?”

“ _I can handle it_.”

Loki continued to give him a look.

“It can't be _that_ hard.”

“Famous last words...”

“Just go get mom up,” Thor scoffed, turning away to rifle through the cabinets.

Loki sighed and made his way down the hall. “ _Mama..._ ”

Thor grinned when he spotted the waffle iron.

Mom and Loki came ambling in close to an hour later. Her hair was wet and braided down her back, clad in fresh pajamas, and it was obvious that she'd spent most of the night crying. She still smiled brightly at the piles of waffles Thor had managed to crank out.

“Nothing is on fire,” Loki said coolly as he guided their mom on to one of the stools. “I'm impressed.”

“Thanks for having so much faith in me,” he deadpanned. He couldn't even be remotely annoyed with Loki though, not with their mom smiling for the first time in way, way too long. He popped open the waffle iron, pulling out a fresh one and setting it on a plate with two more already on it.

“So,” he started, pointing a fork at the first plate. “We got regular.” Second plate. “And then I found a bag of chocolate chips so we got chocolate chip.” Third plate. “And then I noticed the bananas were really ripe so we got banana chocolate chip too.”

Loki sank in to the stool next to mom, eyebrows creeping high on his forehead in surprise.

Mom sighed, putting a hand to her chest. “They all look wonderful, sweetheart.”

Thor beamed.

“Now he's going to think he's a chef,” Loki not-quite-whispered to their mother.

She laughed again, something in Thor's chest loosening with it.

“I think I want to try a bit of each.”

Thor nodded, grabbing another plate, along with a fork, and putting one of each on it. “And,” he said after setting it in front of her. He stepped to the microwave hanging above the stove, pulling out the measuring cup he'd put some of the syrup in to and heated up, setting that next to her plate. “There you go.”

She smiled, pouring the syrup on while Thor grabbed plates for Loki and himself and divvied up the other waffles. Thor took his seat at mom's other side and dug in, he was ravenous after having to smell the waffles cook.

Mom paused a few minutes later, looking at the two of them.

Thor and Loki paused too, glancing at each other.

She smiled and waved her hand. “I've never seen you two like this before.” Her eyes filled with tears and they fell as she blinked. “It's good. We always wanted-” She took in a shaky breath and then shook her head. “It's good.”

Thor looked over at Loki, their eyes locking briefly. They were all quiet as they finished breakfast.

“I have a lot of calls to make,” mom sighed, twisting her fingers in front of her. “I think I want to try and rest for a little while first.” She looked to Thor. “Can I use your room again?”

“Of course.” Thor smiled. She smiled back, weakly.

They watched at the sink as she shuffled down the hall, disappearing for a few moments before they heard a door click shut.

They started washing the dishes. Thor soaped and scrubbed. Loki rinsed and dried.

“Do you feel guilty?” Loki asked. He sounded strange. Scared, maybe.

Thor stilled, looking down at the suds for a moment, then at Loki. Loki looked back at him wide-eyed, mouth pressed in a thin line. He went back to scrubbing.

It was an easy answer. “No.”

The breath rushed out of Loki. His hands began to move again.

“Do you?”

“No.”

“Good,” Thor said with a nod of his head, passing another plate to Loki

“Then what do we do now?”

Thor shrugged. “Take care of mom. Go back to school eventually. I don't know.”

“You _don't know_.”

“I don't. Neither do you. So we'll just have to figure this out as we go.”

“You're being an idiot,” Loki hissed, wiping the plate too hard.

“And you're thinking too much right now.”

Loki huffed, carelessly dropping the plate in to the drying rack.

Thor grabbed him by the chin with a soapy hand. Loki glared at him. “You're too cute when you're pissy.”

At that, Loki's glare twisted in to a smile. He smacked Thor's hand away, wiping the foam off his chin with his dampened towel. “Jackass.”

Thor leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “You're welcome for the amazing breakfast by the way.”

“It was _okay._ ”

“ _Amazing_.”

“You fuck better.”

Thor laughed. “I thought you were trying to insult me.”

“Well... _whatever_. Let's just finish these dishes.”

“And then?”

“Go downstairs, jerk each other off while we watch cartoons, and then help mom make those shitty calls.”

“See? Now you've got the right idea.”

Loki snorted and rolled his eyes. “We're fucked up.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Kiss me.”

Thor smiled and leaned over, their lips fitting perfectly. Thor loved Loki. And they would be okay.

 


End file.
